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Levity

I'm often privately cynical about my enthusiasms, even while I gush about them publicly. I've seen too many fade to disappointment, boredom, nothingness.

Last night, I had a dream where I was talking to a Victorian dinner-party-ish gathering of (physicians? psychologists? paranormal investigators? all were male, formally dressed, most older) about my ability to levitate. "It showed up first in dreams," I said...

That part is true.

It's been a recurring dream element since at least as far back as high school. It was always very realistic. There's a quirk of the mind, a twitch of normally unused mental muscle, and a small physical step "up" and then I'm floating an inch or two off the floor and able to glide along as if on an invisible skateboard. The physics were realistic. Too much momentum and it was hard to turn corners, and gliding down stairs was tricky if there wasn't clear space ahead at the bottom. And it was exciting and exhilirating, but it was always just that inch or two off the ground, and that's how the dream had been for nearly 40 years.

In the last year or so, ever since I put more meaning and, er, well, "art" into my art, the dream's changed. It starts the same and then... and then I can fly. I can float up to the ceiling. I can soar above trees. It's still sometimes tricky: sometimes I get tossed by a too-strong wind, or have trouble controlling the height or trouble getting back down. But I'm flying.

The change might have come from other reasons than art, but it doesn't feel that way. I think I'll keep going with this.

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Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
asakiyume
Aug. 19th, 2010 04:20 am (UTC)
That's pretty cool that you've managed to teach yourself to fly!
cimeara
Aug. 20th, 2010 03:16 am (UTC)
There's a lot of letting go involved. Who knew?
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )