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Sometimes I feel surrounded by cotton batting. Bubble wrap. Fog. It's hard to pick the right metaphor, because it's not that things don't touch me, it's that I can't connect with anyone or anything in a way that feels more than ships passing in the night.

I know I sounded rather didactic in my last post. I'm less so in person. But I don't have the luxury of courses on artistic appreciation or theory, or the time to take them, and I need to have... what? A bridge? A bridge would require more work than I can manage on my own. So I wrap my opinions up tight and throw them out as stepping stones, thesis without available antithesis, premise without contradiction, but if I step on them firmly enough and they can hold me long enough to get me further across the streambed then it's good enough, even if when I look back I'll wince as they float away from lack of sufficiently on-going solidity.

Because otherwise I'd stand on the banks and dither and never get anywhere.

Because, also, developing faith in yourself includes developing a framework of what makes sense for you, that might not follow what's supposedly right by other people's views. And hardest of all sometimes is giving yourself the freedom to take chances, to trust stepping stones, and if they don't hold, to get wet, to be wrong.

Comments

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
asakiyume
Apr. 15th, 2010 02:14 am (UTC)
I loved your last entry--and I have wanted to respond to your comment. I know what you mean about throwing out stepping stones... and silence from the rest of the world can be discouraging. Please don't be discouraged!

In my case, the reason I haven't responded yet is just life stuff here--the reason I've not been online much these past days. But I have your comment in my inbox, because I want to come back to it.
cimeara
Apr. 15th, 2010 09:11 pm (UTC)
Oh dear goodness, I didn't mean to sound as if abandoned, or upset that you hadn't commented again! But LJ isn't set up for continued discussion and that's what I crave, and I'm not sure where or how to get it. I can talk about work with people at work, and I can talk about family and home with those at home, but there's no place to talk about projects and art and directions and understandings. I want to know why others do what they do, I want to pick their brains like a carrion crow, pulling out pieces they might not have known were there, themselves. I want to bounce ideas off multifaceted people and see what unexpected directions they might take. I want to talk about creation, literal, literary or artistic or whatever, everyone throwing their stones into the soup and see what bubbles out.

Er.. or something like that. But I always want too much. :-P
asakiyume
Apr. 15th, 2010 09:57 pm (UTC)
I think LJ *can* be like that under certain circumstances--but yes, I see/understand what you mean: the people who are given to thoughtful, long posts are often not the ones who are online for a sustained period of time to continue the discussion, etc. etc.

--And I didn't think you were directing your lament at me personally; I just knew that I felt that your first post, and then your answer to my comment, had been interesting and rich, and I really felt regretful not to have continued then and there--but I knew you were thinking of the more broad thing....
cimeara
Apr. 15th, 2010 10:55 pm (UTC)
*hugs*

Maybe someday we'll meet at a con or such, and I can ask you more about your photos and other work. :-)

There are questions. For instance, you like the nearly-unseen, spiderwebs and lichen-signs and such: is it always that you see it first, and then grab a camera to record it? Or do you sometimes get the urge to take photos and have to go looking for subjects?

Which could of course get into a broader question of the balance of motivation from within or from without and whether that seems to have any bearing on the result...
asakiyume
Apr. 15th, 2010 11:24 pm (UTC)
It was all LJ... I never did any of this before coming online--isn't that strange? I realized I liked reading journal entries that had visuals, and I knew I liked things I saw on my walks, so I took to taking a camera with me and taking pictures of the things I saw.

In the very beginning, I didn't have a camera so I would look for Google images of things like the things I was seeing. Then I inherited my husband's old camera, and eventually I got one of my own :-) But it's all been since 2006. I owe so much to LJ.
cimeara
Apr. 16th, 2010 08:11 pm (UTC)
You do pick wonderful images, and I love watching your posts to see what new ones you've found. Have you ever thought of a chapbook of poems/lyrics and photos, self-published or otherwise?
asakiyume
Apr. 16th, 2010 11:23 pm (UTC)
The bullheaded thing is, where I want my fame (LOL) is in storywriting--so everything else I just kind of, I don't know, don't notice?

But maybe one day--thank you for the vote of confidence!
cimeara
Apr. 18th, 2010 04:07 pm (UTC)
^_^

Everyone sees through their own lenses, like the writer who tells me I should be a writer, on nothing more than scraps of verse and blog posts.

The chapbook would work for a collection of short stories, too? And some of your photos (you know it, you say so yourself!) are worth their own stories. You -are- a storywriter in no matter what medium you use, and that's why your photos seem like fragments of stories and make me want to hear more from you about them. But I'll take more stories, even without photos.
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